Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
