did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
