so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
