wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Randomize
