Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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