Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
