well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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