I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
