Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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