did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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