If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
