Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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