I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
