At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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