The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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