I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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