I met the friendliest cop last night
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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