You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
