Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
