a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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