At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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