I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
