her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
