M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
