If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
