Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
