I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I supernannyed him into submission
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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