a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
