she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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