Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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