yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
