No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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