Sry I called you an 8
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
