hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Don't make out with my wife yet
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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