apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
How external is "for external use only"?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
