I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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