did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
