omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
