WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
