Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
