he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
