We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
