Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
