I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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