operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
