im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
