And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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