just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
