something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
