break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
