Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
