everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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