I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize