So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
