I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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