you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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