a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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