Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
