i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
