I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize