Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
