i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
