Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
