Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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