Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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