Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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