I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
