i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
There are leaves in my underwear?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
