bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I need a beard to bite.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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