the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
