The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
