I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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