this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
foreskin is a definite game changer
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
