Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
