So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize