You're my little dorito
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i believe in u and ur pee
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
