fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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