i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I am mentally ready for anal.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
