I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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