My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
