My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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