forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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