Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
