What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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