I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
