You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
