I think I died a long time ago.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
