people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
