yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
