never play flip cup with pint glasses
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
