Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
