Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
it's great music for shaving your balls
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
did you just send me my own nude
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
