Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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