Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
