Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
