He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
