He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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