Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
