You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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