I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
