Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
