Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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