you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
