were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
