She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
