Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Randomize
