Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize