Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
