Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
