I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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